Etiquette Tips From The Duchess of Decorum

Dubbed as the ‘The Duchess of Decorum’ by her devoted following on social media, Pattie Ehsaei is an expert in social and workplace etiquette. From proper table manners to financial literacy, the Persian lawyer teaches a variety of practical life skills to empower you and help you sail smoothly across social and professional settings. We talked to her to learn more about her story and flooded her with a list of frequently asked questions regarding etiquette and financial success.

Tell us a bit about your background and how you became ‘The Duchess of Decorum’.  

I’m an immigrant and come from an underserved background. I wasn’t taught Western etiquette. While attending law school, I started to interact with the social elites and it was clear my table etiquette was not up to par. I realized that if I wanted to climb the social and professional ladder, I had to learn etiquette. I ran to the library, checked out multiple books on etiquette and practiced at my dining room table. I also became a server at a very fancy restaurant, and there, I honed in on my etiquette skills. I then began teaching it to my friends and colleagues and eventually became an expert. I now teach etiquette on my TikTok channel and my followers coined me “The Duchess of Decorum.” 

What are the ups and downs of being a content creator living in LA?  

The ups are that I am surrounded by content creators, so there is a community to lean on and network with. The downs are that I am surrounded by content creators, and you truly have to differentiate yourself from everyone else to stand out.  

Social Etiquette

What are three tips to keep in mind at a fancy dinner?

1) Never take a seat prior to your host.

2) Do not begin eating until everyone at the table has been served and your host begins to eat.

3) Use your utensils starting from the outside moving toward the inside. 

How can I be approachable at an event where I don’t know anyone?

These situations can be very intimidating and most people resort to looking at their phones the entire time to avoid the discomfort. Instead, look around the room with a welcoming demeanor and openness to being approached. I also suggest that you not be afraid of approaching others, introducing yourself and striking a conversation. Most people will be receptive to being approached and will welcome the interaction.

What are the most common social etiquette mistakes people make without knowing?

Visiting someone’s home empty-handed. Being on your phone in social settings. Your phone is never welcomed in social situations and should be on vibrate or silent. Another common mistake is not introducing yourself in a social setting. You should always look the person in the eye, announce your name and make a statement around being happy to meet them.

Workplace Etiquette

What are three unspoken workplace rules every professional should know?

1) Never be late to work, even if it’s only a few minutes.

2) Never bring your personal issues to work.

3) Never tell your boss “I can’t.” If you don’t know how to do it, simply ask for help.

How do I make a good impression at a job interview without being pretentious?

• Arrive ten minutes before the interview.
• Treat everyone you meet at the organization with respect.
• Dress in neat, well-fitted, professional clothing.
• Give a handshake and look the interviewer in the eyes when you first meet.
• Practice interview questions prior to the meeting.
• Research the company and its mission statement. Your answers should be tailored around helping the company achieve their mission.
• Ask questions during the interview. They are not only interviewing you; you are also interviewing them.

How can I stand out on LinkedIn? 

Have a professional profile picture – no “glamour shots” or pictures of you engaging in an activity, unless that activity is your profession. Fill out your profile thoroughly and have a clear headline. It should convey who you are and what you’re about in a short, clear and concise way. Finally, have an excellent summary. It should include your years of experience in your current field, your most relevant skills, your current job title, your accomplishments, your passions, and what type of role you are seeking.

How can I create a budget and prepare for a successful future? 

The best way to create a budget is to utilize an online budgeting tool like YNAB or personalcapital.com. These tools are very easy to use and track your progress, so you know at any given time what adjustments need to be made in order to accomplish your financial goals.

How can I become my own boss someday? 

First, you have to become an expert in your trade, whatever that may be. Next, you have to have passion around what you do. Also, don’t be afraid of starting from the bottom and working your way up, because being your own boss requires you to understand every aspect of the business. Finally, work the hardest you have ever worked because being your own boss is one of the hardest and most time-consuming jobs in the world.

Images by Russell Baer