What ‘Malcom and Marie’ Teach us about toxic relationships

On the fifth of February, Netflix dropped a new film, titled ‘Malcolm and Marie’ starring Zendaya and John David Washington and directed by Sam Levinson. It tells the story of Malcolm, an up-and-coming filmmaker and director, and Marie, his notably younger girlfriend, who has a dysfunctional relationship. Raw emotions and great performances prevailed as well as the black-and-white touch to the set of the film made it even more unique. The presence of adult themes, such as drug addiction provided an even stronger character arc for both Malcolm and Marie. The plot revolves around the couple addressing the state of their relationship throughout just one night after they came home from an awards ceremony.

The tensions begin to manifest as soon as Marie points out to Malcolm that he forgot to thank her during his acceptance speech. Even though, he wrote his award-winning film hugely based on her life. In addition to that, he did not cast her, even though she wanted the part. It doesn’t take a professional to see how dysfunctional their relationship is. The toxicity in the relationship begins with the notable age gap between Malcolm and Marie (in reality, he is 36; she is 24).

Age gaps are acceptable as long as there is consent and both partners are in the same place in their own lives when it comes to maturity, growth, and independence. And that was the thing about their age gap; both Malcolm and Marie were at completely different points in their life. Malcolm helped Marie deal with her addiction in her twenties and helped her stay clean, which made Marie his supporter by role, and while her life was starting, he was, on the other hand, progressing far in his career.

Another sign of toxicity among the many was the fact that their arguments were no simple disagreements between partners who respect each other. It was blatant emotional abuse as if it was a contest of who will hurt the other more with their words. To make things worse, Malcolm constantly reminded Marie of her addict past, her infidelity, her brokenness; she snapped back and told him that he’s a mediocre filmmaker and that she agreed with the critic that he disdains. Furthermore, Malcolm kept telling her about all his previous relationships with other ‘broken girls’ before her.

Psychologist Dr. Peggy Drexler shares an analysis of what the film tells us about toxic relationships in which she stated that at this point. It was very clear that not their relationship with each other was unstable, but also, their perception of and their relationships with themselves. It was also undeniable that she’s a former addict and actress with a boring persona in hopes of covering her insecurity. While he’s a filmmaker who has his insecurities as well but he projects it on Marie which is obvious in his emotional abuse of her.

The movie was artistic and metaphoric, even its writing depicted that, which was portrayed in Malcolm’s constant and hurtful monologues which she listened to, anyways. But his abuse was sucking all the air left for her to breathe as his words visibly suffocated her.

What adds even more artistic value to that film is the fact that while it was shot during the pandemic, it is the perfect portrayal for relationship lock-down. Two lovers, who also hate one another, are locked in their house for one evening as they keep going back and forth from hurt to love to abuse to hatred to tenderness while being way too caught up in their heads, their struggles, and their insecurities that they brought up against each other. Their million break-ups and make-ups lead nowhere; because yet after all of that, they keep coming back to one another.

Looking back at the fact that this whole movie and all these fights are just one glimpse of their relationship is sickening and a largely obvious warning sign about how unstable, abusive, and toxic it is which makes us wonder: Why do they keep coming back to each other? What did the film want the audience to take away from such a relationship? Apart from the point made in the film which is watching a man’s ambitions dwarf a woman, it also highlights the fact that this is not a love story but a story of love, however, what was portrayed in the movie was codependency and not love.

And that was why Marie never left Malcolm; because for her, she has no one else but Malcolm, who happens to know all of her deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets, who also helped her get clean and accepts her the way she is. However, he never gets tired of bringing up her suicide attempt and how grateful she should be that he’s still there around and in the relationship. It’s as clear as the sun that this relationship is just a recreation of her trauma and a replacement for her addiction.

In the end, it is doubtless that ‘Malcolm and Marie’ is triggering but yet a tragic true story that must be happening to a great number of us that increases as the pandemic moves on. But we can fairly say that we learned from this movie that codependency is not loved and that we may be hurting ourselves as well as the ones we love, which certainly needs to change. It also leaves a great guide on differentiating between complicated and abusive relationships, which many people, unfortunately, mix up.

By: Nouran Hassan