Confronting Your Fear of Being Alone

It’s no big secret that we are built with a desire to share life with people, and specifically, a special someone. Instinctively, we are social beings. Aside from a few exceptions, many of us prefer being in a relationship rather than being single. While that is true, there are always wrong reasons to be in a relationship and the most notable and common reason we have detected so far is the fear of being alone.

If that’s you right now, we’re definitely not here to point any fingers. We would rather deliberate on the concept a little bit and explain why we don’t think it’s a good idea to be in a relationship simply because instead of being single, you’d rather just have someone on your arm.

Before we do that, let’s first acknowledge the fact that being single is not that easy. You might battle a few fears in that arena, but it’s not to say that they have any real grounds or truths behind them.

Here are a few that come to mind:

– Fear of not being lovable

– Fear of not having someone caring about all your emotional needs

– Fear of not having enough fun/thrill in your life

Now, let’s debunk them…your ‘lovability’ and worth literally have nothing to do with whether or not you’re in a relationship. If that’s what you base your value on, it is time to change that, because not only is it obviously unhealthy, it means you don’t love yourself very well.

Concerning the second point, we admit it’s nice to have someone give you some extra attention and care about how you’re feeling all the time. However, if you can’t live without it, then you’ve probably crossed over to the unhealthy side of the spectrum. It’s time to re-balance and put things in perspective again. Most emotional needs can be met by quality friendships and a dash of self-love.

Finally, if you’re not having fun while you’re single, then you’re probably doing it wrong. There are two reasons why you might be stuck. Number one, maybe you’re used to having someone plan your week for you. It’s good to start planning your days and discovering more about yourself and what you love to do. Number two, maybe you’re not living in the present, as cheesy as that sounds. If you’re always looking for the next guy to be your boyfriend, it’s really hard to live in the moment and actually enjoy the life right in front of you. Gentle reminder: you do not need a guy to be happy.

I hope we have given you some reasons to stop wallowing in self-pity by now. No? Okay, let’s try again. Here are a few endeavors you can enjoy while you’re single…just off the top of our head:

– Invest in quality friendships. Go out for coffees, brunches and girls’ nights.

– Take time to journal and process your emotions every now and then.

– Have some chill at-home spa days with facemasks, Netflix and pizza.

– Try new things and develop real hobbies… Of course, finding a new boyfriend doesn’t count. It’s almost sad that we have to emphasize that.

– Travel and go on more adventures with your friends. Or simply go for walks and enjoy nature. For a refreshing change, you have some time on your hands for that.

– Before diving into a new relationship, get to know yourself better and figure out what you actually want in a relationship.

I think now would be a good time for a closing statement. With all things considered, we definitely think it’s better and healthier to be single than be in a relationship where your heart is only clinging to the idea of being in a relationship and not the actual person you’re with. It’s not fair to them and it’s not really great for you either.

Written by Sarah Guirguis