Sarah Guirguis Comparison usually begins with judging ourselves compared to others. For some of us, that is not enough reason to face the issue; they’re okay with being hard on themselves. We don’t notice how comparison, as it becomes a lifestyle, almost always trickles into the judgment of other people.
The problem with comparison is that, first of all, it blinds people from the truth and hinders connection with others they could otherwise be friends with. There is no way you are taking into consideration and weighing everything about the person you’re comparing yourself to. More often than not, it is distant, quick judgments about how the person “must” feel being so pretty or how they “must” feel living in a bigger house than yours, for example. In reality, there is no “must”; there are about a million little details about their life you probably left out as you assumed what it “must” be like.
We should know this by now, but let’s just say it again for the people in the back – The more you get to know someone and learn more about their story, the less likely you will see them as either an icon or a threat. The key is to approach people with an open mind and heart, being ready to let go of any presumptions you may have about them as you get to know them. It would be a shame to live with such a limiting mindset, when then there is a much better route you can take. Connections are so important in this day and age; we can’t deny it. If you’re always, even unintentionally, judging people you come across, there is a big chance you are limiting yourself in the social community.
The underlying reason behind comparison is usually that you want to determine whether someone is better or worse than you, according to whatever scale you care most about, whether it’s appearance, friends, family, belongings or career success. Now that we’ve established that our perception of someone is never actually completely accurate, let’s talk about the danger of having this scale dictate, in your mind, who is more worthy than the next person.
Subconsciously, this mindset makes you feel inferior when you’re around people who meet the standards on your scale. And vice versa – if you’re in a room with people you feel don’t meet your standards, you feel superior to them. Comparison affects behavior and tends to bring resentment; and people pick up on your energy all the time. Whether your self esteem begins to crash or you become full of yourself, you are losing either way.
Of course, there is a healthy way to go about it. We can intentionally choose to let go of the scale and become more self-aware, as we catch ourselves jumping to conclusions about people in the moment. Appreciating diversity in character, appearance, family lives and careers. Being humble and excited to learn from those who are better at something than you are, instead of feeling second-best, and knowing that whatever they’re better at doesn’t define their worth or yours. Setting your heart on connection rather than envy or jealousy, and caring to ask questions to learn more about people around you and get to know them for who they really are. These are just a few keys to overcoming the itch to compare.
