Flair Magazine So you broke up with someone. Let’s start by saying we’re so sorry for your heartbreak. Now we want to cut to the good news, shall we? You get to move on and find love again if you guide your heart well throughout the process. Whether you broke off an engagement or had just gone on a few dates, here are some of the steps that will help you move on after your breakup.
Forget about the why
Sometimes we know exactly what the problem was and sometimes we don’t. There could be a million reasons why the relationship didn’t work but if you start overthinking and theorizing, not only will you drive yourself nuts, but self-doubt and shame will also start to kick in. You want to shut the door in their faces before their mouths even open. How helpful is it to move on as a healthy person, in your opinion, if you’re agreeing with something along the lines of “it’s probably because I’m not pretty/fun/valuable enough”? Very unhelpful. Not to mention, stupid and untrue.
Admit you had some sort of connection
If you need to get over the relationship, then it means he/she meant something to you. It’s okay to admit that. Whatever connection you had with that person, you will find something better. Even if it was really good and fun for a while, you will find better. The future is always better if your mind is set to it. Make peace with that.
Give it up
Let go. Stop thinking of ways to reconnect or fix whatever made you break up. You probably have to compromise something significant or settle to meet this person where they’re at. Don’t even go there. It’s not worth it. If you’re planning to “casually” bump into him/her looking like your prettiest self, stop right now. We see you.
Do what you need to do
Figure out what your heart needs. This is when self-awareness comes in handy. See if you need to cry it out, talk it out, laugh it out, dance it out, or take a break from your social life or at least the outings you know this person will be at. Do whatever allows your heart to repair itself. Take a week or two but don’t wallow for too long.
Monitor yourself
We’re not trying to numb the pain or become distracted from the main issue. The goal is to be aware of the pain and the problem in order to overcome and grow. If you find yourself trying to “drink and forget”, get yourself back on track. The longer you distract yourself, the longer it will take to recover and move on. It takes some people years to move on just because of that.
Get the ex out of your system
If you ended the relationship “on good terms and decided to remain close” so you’re still texting/snuggling/talking/hanging out with your ex even after the breakup, stop. Stop the friends with benefits thing even if the benefits are just emotional. Your heart is worth way more than this. Finally, when you meet other people in the future (which you will), don’t compare them to your ex. You need to allow people to be themselves and if you get together with someone, love them completely for who they are and not because they remind you or don’t remind you of someone else. People should never be held up to someone else’s standard, so treat them the way you would want to be treated.
By Sarah Guirguis
