Flair Magazine If you’re in a relationship and you sometimes have trouble communicating with your partner, this is the read for you! Everyone can suffer from a lack of good communication. That doesn’t instantly make you a bad fit for your partner. It just means you’re human and that there is always room to grow. Having effective communications is one of the major reasons for a couple’s success. Here are the six keys to work on with your partner.
Be straightforward about where you’re at
If you start feeling like the relationship is not going anywhere, and you’re just in it to fulfill your own needs, make sure to express that. You could have reached a point where you’re simply holding on just because you’re enjoying the attention or because you’re too afraid to hurt your partner’s feelings, but it’s not fair for him/her to be led on any further. Think about it. If the roles were reversed, you know you wouldn’t want them to pretend they want to spend more time with you. Be honest but in the most courteous way possible.
Set standards and your boundaries
If this is meant to be a full, healthy relationship, it should be based on honor and trust. There’s no way you will both experience a deep loving relationship if one member decides his/her needs are more important than the other’s. You should clearly explain how far is too far for you and what you regard as unacceptable treatment. We’re not just referring to crude behavior here. You can hold a standard as simple as no tolerance for any type of flaky attitude. It may be a tough conversation, but it’s really important. If your partner is in it for the right reasons, they won’t mind respecting your boundaries, and it will serve as something that drives you closer not further apart.
Be intentional in getting to know your partner
When you decide to give someone a shot, give him/her a full shot! Listen well to their stories about their family, friends and even their job. Notice the details of what makes them smile and what makes them frown. All of us have this desire to be known and seen for who we really are, and if it’s not being fulfilled in relationship, it’s a total loss. You don’t have to agree with everything they say for your relationship to work, but you always need to be willing to understand their perspective. This inevitably leaves more room for honesty, vulnerability and authenticity in your future together because no one has to pretend to be anything or compromise who they are in order to fall in line with their partner. You can both create that safe place where you can both be yourselves and still love each other.
Make sure your partner knows you only have them on your mind
Once you start seeing your relationship going somewhere, make sure to communicate that, as well. Affirmation is really important. The more they realize that they’ve been chosen, the more they will be able to open up and trust you. Celebrate all the little things that make your partner special. Make sure to call them out and tell them what you love about them on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be a cheesy-type overdose but it could be simple, real appreciation of who your partner is to you.
When you’re hurt about something, don’t be passive-aggressive
It’s easy to fall into a pattern where you want to punish your partner if they’ve done something to hurt you, but at the same time act like you’re not that affected by what they’ve done because you want to look like a superhero. Make it your business to avoid this behavior at all cost. It can build up walls between you in seconds. Instead, articulate exactly what hurt you and to what extent it hurt you, so your partner knows what not to do specifically and gets to know you all the better in the same process. It’s hard sometimes and it requires courage but isn’t that what real relationship is built on?
Kill insecurity at its roots
It’s not your partner’s job to read your mind and know if you’re going through something. You’re supposed to bring it up, share your thoughts, and be open to his/her input. This how you open up to the type of healing that can come through relationship. There is comfort in having a teammate, someone you can really count on. If you’re on the other side of that situation and you’re the one noticing your partner going through something, it’s your job to encourage him/her to talk about it and support them in their journey through it.
By Sarah Guirguis
